You loved me like I was a goddess,
like i was the only sign of divinity you had ever witnessed.
To tell you the truth…
it scared me a little bit.
it scared me a lot.
I was so used to never being enough;
to never quite living up to the expectations of “beauty”
the fact that you swore you loved me
made me wonder who you thought i was.
And so I smiled,
And I laughed
And I loved you,
(Oh darling don’t ever doubt that i loved you)
But i never told you any of my secrets;
never granted you admission to the gallery of monsters I’ve collected over the years,
never gave you the same intimacy I accorded my fears
Oh my love I am sorry.
Sorry that i believed in my demons
More than I believed in your devotion.
But my dear, I never cared for your brave words
because I knew;
that the specters I dance with would scare you away.
Your skin is too thin for their claws
They would tear that bleeding heart of yours right out.
You gave me love like an altar offering,
you looked at me like I was heavenly
you held me like you were in awe of the light you saw in me
but i could feel all my shadows pressing against my skin
and i felt like the devil,
tempting an angel to fall.
Oh my love I am sorry;
I am not the goddess you thought I was
I am sorry my darling,
but my demons have won.